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.NET Hobbyist Programmer Staying Confused in a Busy World

There are many situations where the following translations apply.  I am sure you can think of a few.

Statement: A careful analysis and review are underway at this time.
Meaning: We haven’t looked at this yet.

Statement: This is an interim reply to assure you we are working diligently on the problem.
Meaning: The new guy gets this project, but he doesn’t start until next week.

Statement: Unfortunately, your request to attend could not be approved.
Meaning: We’re going and there’s no room or funding to take you.

Statement: Thank you for your interest in our program.
Meaning: Thanks for generating a lot more work for us.  We’ll remember you fondly forever.

Statement: Congratulations, your nomination has been approved.
Meaning: So you’re the one they found at the last minute.

Statement: The attached summary gives a list of last year’s/quarter’s progress.
Meaning: This is all the good news we could come up with.

Statement: Thank you for your invitation.  Unfortunately, I cannot attend due to other commitments.
Meaning: I wouldn’t attend if you sent me first class.

Statement: On behalf of my Boss, I’m responding to your inquiry dated ____.
Meaning: He couldn’t care less, so I’m answering to get you off our backs.

Statement: We have known for some time...
Meaning: Surely someone has known.  We just have to find him/her.

Statement: A definite trend is developing.
Meaning: This information is meaningless, but we are charting it until the Boss loses interest.

Statement: This is of significant theoretical and practical value.
Meaning: Personally, I like it, but the Boss hasn’t seen it yet.

Statement: While definite answers are not available at this time...
Meaning: We are scrambling to find some kind of answer and this buys us some time.

Statement: Some examples are provided.
Meaning: These are the only ones we could find.

Statement: The meeting will be of great importance.
Meaning: The meeting is of no real importance, but some of the attendees need the exposure.

Statement: Here are the results of the new program.
Meaning: These are the only ones we had nerve enough to show.

Statement: A complete summary will be provided upon completion of the review.
Meaning: We’ll send something when we get the time.

Statement: It is generally accepted that...
Meaning: As far as I am concerned.

Statement: Due to the complexity of the issue and the anticipated impact of this action, additional time is required to render a comprehensive response.
Meaning: There is no way I’ll ever understand this project, so I’m scrambling to find someone who does.

Statement: Your ideas are basically sound.
Meaning: This guy isn’t even close.

Posted on Sunday, July 17, 2005 7:03 PM Humor and Fun | Back to top

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